On May 12, 2012 I was diagnosed with stage 3B follicular non-Hodgkin lymphoma (FL). It was the beginning of a long battle leading to 4 relapses and becoming refractory to chemotherapy! There is no doubt that cancer is one of the most challenging diseases. The treatments for this disease are very intense physically, mentally, and emotionally.
As a retired registered nurse, I remember caring for patients with cancer and also helped them through the side effects and adverse reactions of treatment. I didn’t fully understand the courage it took to battle cancer every day until I became a cancer patient myself. I can relate to and feel what they went through together with their families.
Sometimes, I hate that I got cancer. I hated having to suffer through it and putting my family's lives and emotions also through this ordeal. I hated chemotherapy and how it took even more of my health and quality of life away from me. And to this day, I still suffer because of it. I always feel tired and I'm afraid of doctor appointments because of what they may find. It’s been thirteen long years, and I’m still not done with this. It is the anxiety of waiting for results of pet scans, blood tests and lying awake many nights feeling for lymph nodes.
Being a cancer survivor/warrior has been both educational and horrific! I do feel blessed by all the love and support and the quality of medical care that I have received the past 13 years. Cancer changes people. It sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately, loves more openly, and lives more passionately.
Fighting cancer is a battle that is not won just by medicines, chemotherapy and a great team of doctors. Becoming a cancer survivor/warrior also requires a constant stream of strong will power, faith, hope, love and most importantly a positive attitude.
You chose to beat all the odds. You chose to believe that hope is stronger than reality. You chose to overlook the suffering. You chose to see the light at the end of life’s darkest tunnel.
I cannot deny that sometimes, I am afraid of living too deeply, of making an effort to regain what I lost when I was initially diagnosed, only to have it all threatened again by the recurrence of the disease. I’m choosing to take control of how I live. The long term side effects of treatment on your physical and emotional health can be exhausting for both you and your loved ones. I just want quality living, even if it’s for only a couple of years. I'm fighting for my life, in a different way. Im fighting to have a quality life!!!
So, it’s important for me to celebrate milestones along the way and I’ve learned to accept the term survivor. I’ve overcome a great deal and I’m still here 13 years after my initial diagnosis and 4 relapses. After my last relapse in 2022 I was blessed by getting a CAR-T cell therapy treatment in January of 2023 which put me in remission for the 5th time! For me, every day is a gift to survive 1 day at a time and I thank God for every second of life that he has permitted me to enjoy to the fullest!
Nancy
stage 3B follicular non-Hodgkin lymphoma (FL)
