These are the words that I used on my fundraising page to begin to tell the story about my Dad and the strength he endured until his very last breath!
My Dad and best friend, Nils (“aka Nigey” amongst many other names depending on who you knew him as), passed away and went to be with “His Jesus” on October 19, 2024. How it has been almost 14 months without him is beyond comprehension, and not a moment goes by that he’s not at the forefront of my mind.
Some quick “Cancer” background about Dad: Although he was originally diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2009/2010, which he eventually was in remission for, he was later diagnosed with chronic myelomonocytic leukemia (CMML). CMML is a rare type of blood cancer that causes high levels of abnormal white blood cells called monocytes. Having blood cancer means that there’s a problem with how your bone marrow — the spongy tissue inside your bones — makes blood cells. My Dad lived with CMML for about six years before it slowly progressed to acute myeloid leukemia (AML). In about 20% of cases, it progresses to AML, which is what ended up happening to him. They started him on IV chemotherapy, and at one point, he was in remission, and we thought we were out of the woods, until we weren’t. It progressed back to being “acute,” and a bone marrow transplant was the only option. I was Dad’s bone marrow donor, which is a day that I will truly never forget. We held so much hope going into that day that I was going to save his life. He fought valiantly until he had complications due to graft-versus-host disease (GVHD), where his skin and gut were rejecting my marrow. When he passed, though, 100% of his blood was mine, and that can never be taken from us. I would go on the bone marrow journey in every lifetime with him if it meant we had a fighting chance. (Additionally, I was premature when I was born and “coded” three times and needed to be brought back to life on Father’s Day in June 1990. I told myself that my life was saved to try and then save his!)
My WHY: There have been moments that I haven’t known how I could possibly get through the pain and deep grief I have felt in the depths of my soul — a pain you can’t describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself. But day after day, I have found a new sense of peace with Dad’s passing. I truly know HE is at peace, and I have truly felt his love and presence in SO many ways since his passing. The signs have been EVERYWHERE. Ones I’ve asked for and ones that I’ve just continually seen — 222, frogs, peace signs, My Little Princess bumper stickers, flickering lights, My Girl song by the Temptations, or Midnight in Harlem by TTTB, cardinals, a single bird flying by, noises, knocks, or things falling down at home. The list goes on. But what I DO know is that when you ask for the signs, they will come.
Times that I feel the most connected to my Dad are when I’m running. Running was something that we shared my entire life, and he was the person who got me into running, “pushing me” in the baby jogger in my first race when I was only 11 months old. We ran many races together. He watched so many of mine throughout my school years and even post-college when I started running with Achilles International. He would light up every time he saw me cross a finish line, and even if he wasn’t there, I would call him right after. Not being able to call him now has been really hard, but I know he’s watching and has the best seat in the house. Whenever I’m running and struggling, having a great day, or just want to feel him, I talk to him in my head. I know he can hear me, too. I’ve run hundreds of races in my life, but I think the one I’m going to be embarking on June 13 might be my favorite one yet.
WHAT will I be doing, you ask?? Thirty-six miles for my 36th birthday and raising $3,600 for Blood Cancer United (formerly LLS).
WHEN: I will be running on June 13, 2026, 4.5 times (each loop is eight miles, 8 x 4.5 = 36 miles) around "The Loop" down at Boat House Row in Philadelphia, starting time TBA. This will undoubtedly be the hardest running accomplishment of my life! I want to push my body and my mind past anything that I’ve done before. But in the process, I want to raise money and awareness.
I want to give back to an organization that I know will and can directly impact those who are fighting with other blood cancers.
After my bone marrow donor surgery, they fractured my pelvic bone in the process, which caused me to have to rehab and heal for nine months or so. I had to start my running training back at ground zero, from barely being able to walk. From being the donor, to losing Dad, to gaining the strength and endurance to run again, and then ultimately raising money in memory of Dad in the process while running 36 miles on my 36th birthday, is a full-circle moment. I'm honored to be able to do it!
Caitlin
Family member, caregiver, supporter, donor, bone marrow donor
